Dear Mary Jo, My ten year old daughter loves to run around naked in our home. As a toddler I was fine with it, but now I am a little concerned because her body is starting to develop and mature. I don't want to make her ashamed of her body but how do I teach her modesty.
Dear Molly, I think the most difficult aspect of parenting is learning how to say things to our children so they won't be upset, ashamed or embarrassed. Ten years old is such a tender time. Your daughter can be playing with Barbie dolls in the morning and trying on a bra in the afternoon. Your daughter has presented you with a wonderful opportunity to sit down with her and share experiences that she will remember well into her adult life. Teaching children modesty evolves as your family grows. You did not mention if your daughter has siblings, but when teaching modesty it is important to also teach your child the needs of every family member. In your case if there are older children they may be uncomfortable with your ten year olds behavior. If she is the oldest child then she may be the mentor to the smaller children in regards to "personal space" and owning her own body. In Start Talking, a book that I co-authored
with Janine Sherman, we talk about your daughter's body as being her own.
She makes decisions for her body and you as her parent are going to be her
mentor and guide for helping her make these decisions. I tell each girl her
body is sacred and only she is allowed to touch or see the intimate parts
of her body. This is also a perfect time to begin to teach your daughter
about her body. Explain to her that her body is getting prepared for puberty
and she can anticipate many changes. Sometimes she will want to play and
at other times she will want to be alone and treated like a teen. Sit and
talk to your daughter about what she may be feeling at this time. If you
are uncomfortable with her nudity tell her why (it may be the way you grew
up or something that happened in your past). If her dad is uncomfortable
with her nudity explain to her that privacy is becoming more important as
she grows older and her body changes. Reassure her that her body is beautiful
and she may go nude in her own bedroom, but make public areas in the home
off limits for nudity. Nudity is a boundary issue after the age of six years.
We all feel differently in regards to nudity, but the family should strive
for what each member is comfortable with. That usually means limiting nudity
to the child’s own room, rather than
all over the house. |
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